for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
