I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
