i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
