Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
