Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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