You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
