when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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