new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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