spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
