the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
