If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
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No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.