weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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