How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
