Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
