there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
