Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
