i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
