You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
