Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
