I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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