You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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