I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Can Purell be used as lube?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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