i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
