he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
