There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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