it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
