He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
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I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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