"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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