I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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