He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
