Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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