she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
