He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
