Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
