If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
