he told me I talked like a deaf person
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
