i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
