chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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