She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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