After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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