I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
