You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
