life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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