Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
