Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
