porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
