I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
