My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
