i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
