Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
