I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
