I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
