Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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