I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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