Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
