if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
