she woke up with a sticky ear
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
