and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
