so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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