Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
