I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
