How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.