I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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