Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though

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  (917): sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though http://tfl.nu/3mr9
  Replies (3) Good night (838) Bad night (2040)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.

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  (202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up. http://tfl.nu/bgl4
  Replies (11) Good night (1485) Bad night (665)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time

  (1-763): View more from Minnesota

  Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.

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  (763): So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time (1-763): Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother. http://tfl.nu/6l4l
  Replies (29) Good night (1294) Bad night (2850)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?

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  (309): is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring? http://tfl.nu/8ib1
  Replies (42) Good night (1533) Bad night (4254)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?

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  (803): Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything? http://tfl.nu/hmy2
  Replies (7) Good night (1010) Bad night (4612)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.

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  (401): Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday. http://tfl.nu/wqr0
  Replies (6) Good night (3043) Bad night (985)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized

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  (360): I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized http://tfl.nu/nze6
  Replies (16) Good night (2236) Bad night (3426)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.

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  (612): The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable. http://tfl.nu/wu9y
  Replies (20) Good night (3685) Bad night (1398)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.

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  (+44): That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal. http://tfl.nu/r9bl
  Replies (6) Good night (2823) Bad night (955)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm

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  (248): thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm http://tfl.nu/wrnu
  Replies (6) Good night (1957) Bad night (732)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.

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  (248): I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose. http://tfl.nu/jv76
  Replies (7) Good night (1843) Bad night (829)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil

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  (507): I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil http://tfl.nu/ueg4
  Replies (7) Good night (1012) Bad night (1738)
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  (408): View more from California

  He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.

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  (408): He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend. http://tfl.nu/9uge
  Replies (3) Good night (656) Bad night (1116)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall

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  (860): I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall http://tfl.nu/remv
  Replies (8) Good night (860) Bad night (505)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred

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  (814): Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred http://tfl.nu/bcw1
  Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (315)

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