They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We need to get me chipped asap