oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
