Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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