Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
