well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
