Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
