i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
